By Janet Krebs, CONNECT 4 Kids Parenting Coach
Are you an interrogator or a detective? Another way of asking, are you a great listener and conversationalist, or are you navigating a conversational agenda?
When I say detective, I am referring to somebody who’s curious. In conversation they ask great questions and are genuinely interested. An interrogator has an agenda, a need to know. They may have set questions, but it comes out question, answer, question, answer.
Interrogators are in control of a conversation: detectives can allow the conversation to simply evolve?
I ask the question because I believe this is super important when we are interacting with our kids.
For example, school has started. When your kids come home what is your first response? The interrogator has a question cued: “How was your day?” or, “Tell me something great that happened today”. “What did you learn in school today?” is another popular question.
An alternative is a transition of “I’m so glad to see you” and then silence. I’m happy to see you is just a share, and it gives some space for them to choose how they want to respond. This is an intentional, important thing for parents to consider when engaging with our kids.
Not all kids are ready to engage in active conversation the minute they walk through the door.
When we allow kids some space to breathe, to put down their backpacks, to come in, maybe just say hello, that’s okay. Depending upon their age, maybe they just go to their rooms, (you know who you are) that has to be okay.
I believe it has to be okay.
There can be room for all of it.
I ask you, who do you want to be in that transitional moment when your kids are coming home from either school or work or they’ve gone out for an evening and they’re coming home?
Which parent do you want to be?
The interrogator or the detective? Maybe you can try being the mom or dad who says, “I’m happy to see you. Hope your day/night was great.”
Let’s let them have a little more autonomy with how the conversation goes.
I believe giving them that privilege, that respect of being the initiator of the conversation, is going to gain you some huge and profound points in the parent department. This is a tried-and-true strategy that can be a game changer in the communication department.
